"Then Achmed the Saudi raises his hand. Now, you have to understand, Achmed is pretty much the team wiseass, so half the room was smiling and the other half was cringing when he stood up. “Imam,” he says, “let’s go back to phase number one on your waterfall chart. Ummmm, how does this expel-the-crusaders thing happen again?”

So Zawahiri just sorta stands there, mute for a minute, and says, “well, er, the vision statement is really very simple. We build mindshare with the masses with six-sigma beheading QC processes, and then the kaffirs will run away like in Vietnam. We just need to be ready for it, like the Vietnamese.”

Achmed just stands there and looks at him, completely deadpan.

“No seriously, this is exactly what happens with best-of-breed insurgencies, like Vietnam,” says Zawahiri. “It’s in all the books.”

So then, Achmed does this sarcastic confused look, and starts scratching his temple with his left stump. Man, it’s a good thing they broke for lunch, because I thought I was going to fucking crack up."