Reality Immitates Scrappleface

As usual:

Dan Rather Uncovers Memo Forgery, Demands Resignation
(2004-09-20) -- In an exclusive report tonight, CBS News anchor Dan Rather will break the story of "a web of deception" which allowed 60 Minutes II to use forged documents to impugn the military record of President George Bush.

"As a crack investigative reporter, I've always wanted to break a story this big," said Mr. Rather. "I can't tell you much before the story airs, but the upshot is that someone may have tried to trick me and my producer into using forged documents to discredit the president. We'll actually show you how the fake documents could not have been written in the early 1970s. It's in-depth investigative reporting that you can't get anywhere else. Tune in tonight for this breaking news."

In addition to breaking the fake memo story, Mr. Rather said that during the broadcast he would demand his own resignation, along with that of news producer Mary Mapes.

"You'll never see a cover-up, stonewalling or excuse making at CBS," said Mr. Rather. "We're interested only in truth and integrity. I'm the one who's breaking the story, and I'm the one forcing myself into early retirement. That's proactive."

Mr. Rather said he plans to spend his retirement "sitting around the living room in my pajamas, posting my thoughts to my new blog."

How can I possibly top that? (Hat tip Glenn)